Just a warning, this is a LONG one, so buckle up, and plan on spending a good five or ten minutes reading this.
"I don't know who I am anymore," is probably one of the most frequently uttered phrases I've heard in the past few days. So many of us, myself included, were so sure about who and what we were only a couple months ago. Then we come to a campus like this where we are constantly tried and tested and speculated and measured and poked and prodded...we don't even recognize ourselves anymore.
Identity is possibly one of the most important things for a person to form. How can we live if we don't know who we are? We're more than just beings that simply react to stimuli. We're living, thinking, loving, hating, moving, and changing people. And no two of us are the same, especially on a small campus like this.
This isn't something I can really tell you how to fix. This is nothing that anyone can do for you. This is you and all you. But, although I can't tell you the answers, I hope and pray I can shed a little light on some fundamental aspects of really developing yourself as a person and as a follower of Christ.
First, really define what you believe. Do you even really love God? Do you even really know Jesus? Do you even truly have faith in him?
Something that just absolutely kills me is when people say, "Oh yeah, I'm a Christian," but then when it comes time to give some up that matters...they feel like they've lost a part of themselves. They feel as though God asked them to betray themselves, and so they feel hurt and angry at God.
But here's what we don't understand--God does tell us to betray ourselves. In fact, he commands it! Look at Matthew 10:37-39: "If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it."
Jesus didn't say, "Just be comfortable and call me your Lord." He tells you, "Deliberately hate all things compared to me. Love ME above all things, and should you have to lose something for my life, I will reward you with a life that you can not even comprehend." But what is the other side of things? "If you cling to your 'life', you will lose it."
In light of all this, I think it's much more important for you to really decide who the Lord of your life is: Jesus, whom you would rather lose absolutely everything to attain...or something else?
I had heard it put best in a quote that said, "If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything." Are you really standing for Christ? Is your life really focused on losing anything and everything you can in order to grow closer to him?
Now, before you go on, PLEASE take a few minutes to reflect on this. If you're not already willing to give ANYTHING you possibly can in order to grow closer to Christ...why not? What is stopping you? You know the 'answer' should be "yes," but why isn't it? Maybe you're afraid. Maybe you just really do love your life more than you love Christ. So here's my question to you: is it worth it?
Is keeping anything in this life worth losing an eternity with God? Well, that's something to answer for yourself. If the answer is "yes," then the rest of this post has nothing to offer you. But if the answer for you is "no," and if you are willing and ready to give it all to follow him, then hold on, because God will be stripping you of your life right and left.
So, you've decided you're willing to give whatever you can to grow closer to God. I'm glad! But what does that look like? James 4:8 says, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." What does it look like to draw near to God? I hate to give you a little 'list' of things you can do, but...that's what it is. I have five things in mind to tell you about what it means to draw nearer to God.
First is to draw near to God in his Word. Psalm 119:11 says, "I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you."
Look at your Bible. Seriously, stand up, go find your Bible, hold it in your hand and look at it. Now think, for one second, that God made this for you. Yes, God did love us so much that He gave his only Son to die for our sins, but...think about it.
We know that God is infinite and that his love is unfailing and also infinite. Do you know what infinity divided by two is? Still infinity. What about infinity divided by five? Still infinity. So take an infinite God, and divide his infinite love by eight billion. What do you have? You have an infinite God, pouring his infinite love infinitely into...you. So when you hear that God so loved us that he gave his only Son...you can also understand that God did it because he so loved you.
So with that in mind, God revealed his love to you, personally, through Christ and his Word--our Bible. So seeing that God gave this to you personally...would it not make sense to you to spend some time getting to know it? But is it worth it to you?
Secondly, you should draw near to God in deliberate prayer. In the Gospel of Mark, we are told that Jesus got up in the morning, even before the sun came up, just to go pray. He went to a quiet, solitary place to just spend time with God in prayer. Now if Jesus needed time to pray, don’t you think maybe you and I need time to pray as well? But once again…is it worth it?
Thirdly, you can draw near to God in the choice to worship him. Not just meaning living a lifestyle of worship, but choosing to sing praise to him. Choose to lift your hands to him. Choose to lift your heart to him. Do you know why? Because he loves it! Read Psalms 149-150. They’re short. It will not take you very long to read them. If I could be there in person, I would read them to you. God LOVES to hear us praise him! That’s what worship is. Not just a song, not just a unification of voices. Yes, that is beautiful, but that’s not praise! True praise is when you choose to sing out of adoration to him. Look at all the greatness he has blessed you with! Thank him for that!
Also, actually PRAISE Him. A person can sing as loudly and beautifully as they can, but if it’s not out of adoration, what does it mean to God? I heard it put best in that “we are not here to sing about worship, we’re here TO worship!”
Don’t let the opinions of other people stop you from truly worshiping him! If you desire to lift praises to him, what does it matter if other people see you or hear you? You’re not doing it for them! As far as you’re concerned, it’s you and God and no one else in that room.
But, I couldn’t stress this enough, is gaining Christ really worth it to you?
Fourthly, draw closer to God in giving. Malachi 3 talks about how Israel had fallen away from God by cheating him out of their tithes and offerings. It may surprise you, but think about it – what is one of the biggest things people are unwilling to give up in order to find God? Money. So if you really feel like you shouldn’t tithe…then I’d say you might want to ask yourself again – whom are you really living for?
Now I would like to take a second to clarify something – if all this is stuff you want to do just so that you can grow closer to God and attain eternal life, just forget about it. It doesn’t work that way, and I’ll tell you why. We can do nothing to please God. We, being dirty, sinful, wicked people, have nothing to offer God that will be pleasing to him – that is, unless it is done with the right heart.
You can give and give ad give to try to grow closer to God…but are you giving from your heart because you just WANT to give to help the church? Again, you can sing and sing and sing, and you can pray and pray and pray…but what good is it? Are you doing it with a heart that desires to show God your love for him…or are you just doing it to try to pass by? Ask yourself before you go on.
Lastly, you can draw near to God in…each other – in fellowship. “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” (Prov 27:12)
We are called to ‘sharpen’ one another. We are called to come together in fellowship and constantly push each other into a deeper level of our faith. The writer of Hebrews says in 10:24-25, “Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another…” If you really want to come closer to God, be open to letting other people pick you apart and point out all your flaws…so that you may be “complete and mature, not lacking anything.”
I know it seems like I’ve strayed from the point enough…but when you start to develop yourself as a true follower…when you truly start to draw near to him…you will begin to see that this big question of “who you are” is already being answered. I’ll leave you with the lyrics of a song by Casting Crowns – Who Am I.
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth Would care to know my name Would care to feel my hurt Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star Would choose to light the way For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am But because of what You've done Not because of what I've done But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean A vapor in the wind Still You hear me when I'm calling Lord, You catch me when I'm falling And You've told me who I am I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin Would look on me with love and watch me rise again Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea Would call out through the rain And calm the storm in me
Not because of who I am But because of what You've done Not because of what I've done But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean A vapor in the wind Still You hear me when I'm calling Lord, You catch me when I'm falling And You've told me who I am I am Yours, I am Yours
Not because of who I am But because of what You've done Not because of what I've done But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean A vapor in the wind Still You hear me when I'm calling Lord, You catch me when I'm falling And You've told me who I am I am Yours, I am Yours
I am Yours Whom shall I fear 'Cause I am Yours I am Yours
