How easy is it to rely on God? I can’t count the number of times that he has had to show me just how weak I am in order for me to rely on his strength once again. What’s so odd is that the feeling is so refreshing; it’s a shock that I act like I don’t want it more. God’s love is amazing; it’s indescribable to say the least. Once I get another taste for this goodness, I just want more.
I’ve had plenty of time to reflect upon my life recently. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and posting it openly for all to see it was no easy step. And naturally, it brought up a lot of things in my past that I really didn’t want brought up. Needless to say, it became quite the hindrance on me. Over the past two weeks, I’ve been dealing with my past, and how to forgive myself for the things I’ve done. But there remained one fundamental problem: I was relying on myself to get past everything.
I have this nasty habit of trying to handle things on my own. When I recognize that my past sins are causing me to lose focus and get drawn down, I tend to try to take care of it myself. But I recognized something last night: I was unable to sleep, so I read through some scripture, and I finally just understood it. It wasn’t as though God was speaking to me verbally or anything. I just finally understood the truth about it.
It’s not only that God is the only one who can pay for sin – he is also the only one who can forgive it. That’s why forgiveness is evidence of someone having the Spirit – because without God’s grace in one’s life, there is no way to truly forgive in the first place. Let me clarify what I mean…
You cannot do anything about which you know nothing. For instance, I can’t be given the tools to knit and be told to knit, because I have not learned how by someone who does. Likewise with everything, even forgiveness. How can we forgive anyone if we have not been forgiven first? But even still, we cannot truly forgive anyone without God’s graciousness in our lives that drive us toward forgiveness. And that’s why it’s such a problem for us to try to handle anything on our own, even something as fundamental as forgiveness – I was relying on my own strength to forgive myself when I wasn’t even prepared to accept God’s forgiveness for me.
Paul wrote, “As the Lord has forgiven you, so you must forgive” (Colossians 3:13b). I just had a problem with forgiving myself instead of another. But that’s the beauty of it – the simplicity is profound. I can’t forgive myself on my own strength; it must come from him.
So now I am released from the bonds of guilt that held me down. Of course I can’t deny my past, lest I make the same mistakes in the future. But I’m not held down anymore. I’m free to live and grow, without the guilt and the shame. Jesus has taken them from me, and now I am free.
Now I can get carried away.
You are the open door to freedom You are the only hope I have The reason in my reason The only thing that lasts. How could I begin to settle When all within me longs To step into the shelter Of Your everlasting arms?
I wanna get carried away I wanna get tossed by Your waves I don't care where or how deep I'm gonna jump in with both feet I wanna get carried away I wanna get lost in Your ways I wanna be held by Your truth I wanna behold all of You I'm gonna be all Yours today I wanna get carried away
You are the wisdom of the ages You are the one who stays the same The power in the wind The scent left by the rain How could I begin to make it If all I had was me? Just take me as I am Lord And sweep me out to sea.
Some say You're far away But I know You're here with me I could go anywhere And still You'd be there with me I know You're here with me.
